you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
