I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
