matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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