I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I don't deserve a penis
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
