You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
