my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Someone stole a lamp last night.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
