K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Randomize
