Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
