The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
