I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
