I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I am midnight drunk by noon
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
