Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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