she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
