Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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