sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
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