Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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