I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
