I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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