i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
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