2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
We're not piercing ourselves today.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
