Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
