brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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