tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Randomize
