Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Randomize
