so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
