So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
