I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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