Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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