i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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