I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
