on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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