Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
