it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
