im so drunk with asians
where?
always
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Randomize
