Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
