Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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