so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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