new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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