tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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