broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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