hell yes lets make some ravioli
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
