In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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