mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
i came on her dog
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
