Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
