My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
