I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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