I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Randomize
