We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
