Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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