I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
