so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Blood and glitter go together right?
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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