allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
