i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
